“We take their lead in all safety matters, and we are all committed to bringing Detroit a safe and enjoyable Ford Fireworks,”
Detroit's fireworks: 5 (dozen) things you need to know.
Jim Schaefer, Detroit Free Press 10:10 a.m. EDT June 26, 2016
In order to make Monday night's stupendous Ford Fireworks celebration in downtown Detroit a safe and enjoyable experience for all, the City of Detroit has issued a six-page news release listing in excruciating detail no less than five dozen rules, declarations and helpful pieces of advice.
And for you, dear reader, we are going to list every last one of 'em, right here, right now.
Nah, just teasing. We like you too much. But if you're a glutton for such fine-tuned detail, you can go here for more information:
Otherwise, here are a few things we found in the city's release to be most useful and/or amusing for the hundreds of thousands of people expected to flood in and cozy up next to the Detroit River for the 9:48 p.m. spectacle:
DETROIT FREE PRESS
Best viewing areas
Hart Plaza
Belle Isle
Mt. Elliott Park, Owens Park and Erma Henderson Park. Riverside Park will be closed.
Hart Plaza rules:
2 p.m. Remember it. When the clock strikes 2, that's when you can enter the plaza and start setting up your lawn chairs and blankets and whatnot.
Tents are prohibited. This isn't a campout.
The plaza will close when officials deem it to be at "desired capacity," whatever that means. If you leave the plaza, tough luck. No re-admittance if it fills up.
No fires. And while you're at it, no cooking. See "this isn't a campout."
Don't even try to reserve a whole bunch of space while you wait for your second-cousin George to arrive. Not happening. No saving spots.
If you bring a cooler or a backpack, be prepared for someone official to paw through it looking for stuff you're not supposed to have.
No alcohol, no pets, no weapons. In precisely that order.
Belle Isle:
Closed till 2, then you can drive onto the island. Vehicles must have the Recreation Passport (license plate tab thingie). You can buy one on the island for 11 clams.
Maximum of 3,000 vehicles allowed on the island. That seems like an awful lot.
At 5 p.m., people on bikes and on foot are permitted on the island.
Again, no alcohol. How many times do we have to say it?
Tents? Yes! But tents and canopies should be no larger than 10 feet by 10 feet. Two per group. Any more is squatting.
RVs can park on the paddock area near the Casino. Must be nice.
Don't bring your own fireworks. That would be silly.
Parking meter freebies:
The Municipal Parking Department will not enforce parking meters after 5 p.m. Woohoo! Still, don't get towed or ticketed for parking like a meathead.
Don't park within 20 feet of a crosswalk, within 15 feet of an intersection, within 30 feet of a Stop sign or traffic light, or within 15 feet of a fire hydrant.
Park in designated areas, not in fire lanes or no standing zones. And seriously, have a heart, no handicap parking without a permit.
Towing:
Oh, there will be towing. Because people will park like meatheads. Vehicles hauled from the downtown area will be held at 2121 W. Fort St. Vehicles hooked on Belle Isle will remain on the island. Oh, one last thing: The fee for towing? $215. Ouch. Repeat: Don't park like a meathead.
Street closures:
Hoo, boy. It's madness. Where to begin?
Seriously, there are two dozen of them in the downtown area beginning at 6 p.m.
Stretches of streets like Woodward and Jefferson and Gratiot will be closed.
Count on gridlock for awhile.
You know that already.
Because it's always like that on fireworks night.
Just leave yourself plenty of time, coming and going.
And no obscene gestures to other motorists, OK? Be nice.
If you want the specifics on the roads, go here.
Curfew enforcement:
Minors, those ages 17 and under, will have a curfew from 8 p.m. till 6 a.m. in the downtown area. Minors are permitted to view the fireworks from any approved public area because, really, it's all about the kids. However, they must be accompanied by a parent, legal guardian or "other responsible adult age 21 or older."
Sorry, kids, but that's just the way it's going to have to be.
The actual geographic area under curfew is described by the city as bounded by the Detroit River, Third Street, Lodge Freeway, Fisher Freeway, the extension of the Fisher Freeway east to Gratiot Avenue, Gratiot Avenue, Vernor Highway, Chene Street, Atwater Street and Chene Park.
Trying to imagine that area on a map makes your head hurt.
Minors caught violating the curfew will be taken to the Coleman A. Young Recreation Center, 2715 Robert Bradby Drive, and that is no joke.
Minors will be held there until picked up by a parent or guardian. The police reserve the right to shame the parent of guardian with a ticket of their own.
Lost children:
Lost children, God forbid, will be taken to one of the following locations:
Downtown -- Cobo Center, Atwater Lounge, 313-877-8064
East of I-375 -- Martin Luther King High School, 3200 E. Lafayette Blvd.
Southwest area -- Fourth Precinct, 4700 W. Fort St., 313-596-5400
Once again, here's hoping for a safe, festive fireworks night in Detroit, even for the meatheads.
The 24-minute show begins at 9:48 p.m. The theme, “Go Forward Detroit,” is a “salute the progress of Detroit and bright future of our city,”
